This website is for raccoons who, for reasons beyond their control, must temporarily pretend to be adult humans.

If you have ever found yourself standing upright in public, wearing a trench coat, and expected to “just know” how things work—this is for you. Inside, you’ll find practical, judgment-free guides on critical human tasks like filling out forms, using professional tone, and understanding why checks still exist.

Everything here is designed to be simple, survivable, and achievable—even if you are actually five raccoons with conflicting priorities and no concept of time.

If five raccoons in a trench coat can do it, so can you.

And once the task is complete, you are free to return to the night.